Oranges and Lemons: A Pair of Citrus Trees

Citrus Trees either side of a front door
An unrecognisable pair of citrus trees peeping out of a box
Hello lads!

Oh there’s nothing more I enjoy on Black Friday* than buying myself stuff I don’t really need.

That’s a lie. I do need homegrown citrus. Especially the trees are as fruitful as my other fruit trees. Though, strictly speaking, only the Japanese Wineberry has pulled its weight this year and that’s more of a collection of wayward twigs than a fruit tree.

Also, I need to inform the world about citrus trees…this sense of public duty will force me to feed and water the trees appropriately – everybody’s happy!

Anyway, reasoning out of the way – here we go:

My Black Friday Trees (definitely a poem in that) were part of a deal from Amazon for £26.99, reduced from near on forty quid. When they arrived I realised they were from a site called YouGarden, which offers the same pair of citrus trees at the same price all year round…I feel such a fool! Still, I got a smashing pair of citrus trees for a bargain price, and in the process put some cash in the pockets of one of the world’s most ruthless multinationals…everybody’s happy!

Anyway – on the left is the exciting moment they arrived.








A pair of fruit trees hanging around in a messy kitchen]

Make yourself at home,boys! Yeah OK I’m going to tidy up later on. Yeah, they are real optics. Honestly, if you don’t get over yourselves I’m going to put you outside.

Citrus Trees either side of a front door

OK. Have it your way.


I can say from first impressions that they are EXACTLY as they appeared in the picture online apart from the fact the presence of a lovely pot of citrus feed, and the absence of the cards with photos of the fruit on (thank goodness, that sort of thing is lethal to a hoarder and they hang around in my utility room like mini gravestones for Plants I Have Known).

They have arrived, perfectly, just as we’re about to have the first frost of the year (I’m in subtropical Kent), so they’re only posing on the doorstep here before being transferred to my greenhouse. Blimey, I’d better clear that out!

This is what I’m a few short months from.

Citrus fruits - oranges and lemons - on trees

And if it doesn’t pan out…I’m expecting a bumper crop of wineberries. (And my gin will just have to go without).

If you want to join the wait with me you can get a pair of citrus trees (an orange and a lemon) from YouGarden. I’ll keep you updated in great detail in any case, so don’t panic,

*Apologies for the vulgar phrase which has regrettably entered common parlance but still does its job, albeit in a way that makes you die a bit inside every time you hear it



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